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"FairTax saves Christmas!"


Washington, D.C. Gazette


“FairTax saves Christmas!”


Washington, D.C. After round-the-clock deliberations on Capitol Hill during a special session of Congress called to save Christmas, a nonpartisan agreement was made to overhaul the federal tax system. With hundreds of thousands rallying on the National Mall, the FairTax was officially passed nearly unanimously at 10:00 p.m., just hours before Christmas Eve.


In one of the most unified rallies since the civil rights movement, people from all backgrounds and political leanings united to save Christmas by standing up to Congress and demanding passage of the FairTax legislation (H.R. 25 and S. 25).


Congressman John Linder of Georgia, FairTax sponsor and co-author of The FairTax Book, stated, “This is a great day for the American people; this proves that the citizens of this nation still hold the power, and when legislation as unifying as the FairTax is on the table the American people serve as the fuel to the wildfire commanding their congressmen to pass the FairTax.”

The FairTax replaces the income tax system with a transparent and simple national consumption tax of 23 percent levied only on new goods and services. The FairTax provides the same amount of funding to the federal government as the income tax. Many economists favor the consumption tax over the current system, as it is a more stable and economically stimulating form of taxation.

Bob Cratchit, a low-paid clerk, said, “I have a minimum-wage job, and after FICA taxes are taken out of my paycheck I barely have enough to survive on. With the FairTax in place I’ll get to keep that 15 percent and the prebate will help my family tremendously.”

The prebate is provided to every legal American, making all spending up to the poverty level ($26,400 for a family of four) federal tax free. The FairTax also broadens the national tax base, thereby lowering almost every taxpayer’s marginal tax rate by capturing taxes from accumulated wealth, the underground economy, illegal immigrants, and millions of foreign visitors.

A large contingent of Gingerbread House Builders and United Elf Workers were also present at the rally. Both groups cite “keeping our whole paychecks and bringing American jobs back” as reasons for their support.

A toasty gingerbread man added, “We are really excited about the FairTax. When you combine the elimination of embedded tax costs in the price of our products with lower interest rates and increased take-home pay, like the FairTax does, it is easy to see how beneficial this will be to businesses such as home building and to consumers as well.” 

With Christmas’s fate on the line it was no surprise that leaders of the next generation were well represented. Small children as well as young adults came out in droves to the Mall to voice their support for Santa as well as the FairTax. Organizers of these young patriots calling themselves the “True Believers” were Charlie Brown and Tiny Tim. By using MySpace, these young tykes were able to build up enough ruckus in the cyber community to bring out nearly 50,000 of America’s youth. Charlie Brown said, “I was having trouble figuring out what Christmas was all about. I realized it’s not about presents; it’s about coming together with friends and family. This whole mess with losing Christmas will be looked back upon as the turning point in my generation’s future because of the FairTax.”

Moments after the FairTax’s passage, Santa’s sleigh could be seen doing a fly by of the Capitol building filled with packages. Eyewitnesses said that he seemed both “holly and jolly” and that he shouted out a hearty “Merry Christmas to all, and to all the FairTax.” 

Editor’s note: Reports have been made that K Street has become a ghost town and that nearly half of Washington’s lobbyists have reportedly gone into hiding, the other half have been spotted filling out applications to become elves.


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